" The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,'  says my soul, Therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24 What a humbling holidays we have had. It is truly mind blowing to stand here in my shoes and see all the generosity that has been thrown our way. For a lack of a better vocabulary, cancer really sucks. It is so easy for my mind to travel that direction and for tears to come because I do really hate cancer. I hate it for my daughter, and I hate it for everyone else who has to come in contact with it. I hate watching my family suffer because I know they are suffering right along with us. But as much as I hate all of this, I really love what I'm witnessing. A community that has totally come together in faith and prayer and love for us, for Sloane, and for all of our family. I do hope my family feels as lifted in prayer as Austin and I

" T'was grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace, my fears relieved.   How precious did that grace appear, the hour I first believed." I think a cancer diagnosis makes you more sensitive, in every meaning of the word, all senses involved. What I mean is that I'm feeling everything more deeply, more down into my bones.  I really see the sunsets, I see the cloud patterns and I see through them.  Every day the sky is different, it's a beautiful sight to see.  I really hear way too well, I hear the words that aren't being spoken directly to me because people are afraid I'll crumble.  I hear you speaking to me and I am really listening, very closely.  My sense of smell is even heightened, either that or I'm just now paying attention.  I've been lighting more candles than my husband has ever seen me light, and I made sure all the smells keep me calm.  Human touch is a necessity.  I never knew how much I actually needed that big hug, and everyone

Over the past three weeks I've heard a lot of the same words repeated to me, and some of them just make me laugh a little under my breath.  For example: when people say "it's so inspiring to see how well you're holding yourself together" or "I'm so impressed by how strong your faith is."  They don't make me chuckle because those kinds of things are funny, but more because of  how untrue I find those words to be.  Honestly, this is not what holding it together looks like, I wasn't given a choice, I didn't get to voice my opinion, and I would never choose this upon my worst enemy, this is not holding it together. Let's be real, everyone knows how much I love to voice my opinion, and I got no say. Secondly, my faith found me again on a Tuesday morning in a doctors office.  And at the same time I tried to process that this kind stranger was diagnosing my daughter with advanced cancer, I was also trying to process how Jesus was going to ac

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Phillipians 4:8 Think back to my first blog entry to my belief that certain people have been very carefully placed into my life to get me through this new journey I've found myself in.  Cue my "mom group."  I've seen God work in many ways, many I've ignored and many I've found wonderful. This is wonderful. Over a year ago, I got a message from a 'girl' who's baby I helped deliver asking if I would be interested in coming to a 'brunch' with a few other moms who had all recently had babies.  Meh, sure? I don't really like meeting new people and I don't really need any new friends, and I definitely don't want to talk to a bunch of new moms.  Doesn't she know I've done this before? I have a 3 yea

"And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."  Luke 11 9-10 For those who do not know me, let me introduce myself.  I am Sloane's Grammy.  Being a Grammy is the best job in the world .... until one of these wee ones is sick.  To say that I have lived a lifetime in these past 11 days is an understatement.  It has been full of tears and laughter and sadness and joy.  I hang on to my faith.  I pray more and try to worry less.  I watch my daughter, Courtney, and my son-in-law, Austin, with careful eyes.  I want to be able to catch them if they falter.  I want to lift them up when they need it.  I want to laugh with them every chance we get. But the real reason I asked to write a blog post was to say THANK YOU .  Thank you to all of you for your love, your prayers, your emotional and financial su