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November 21, 2017

I'm not much of a writer and my mind has been all over the map in the past 24 hours. Yesterday was the hardest day of our lives, to date. One cannot be prepared to sit in a doctors office and be told their child has Cancer. Our child? Our sweet spunky 15 month old has cancer? The pit in my stomach is real? Can you start over? I'm suffocating, we're suffocating. Oh please, God. But there's medicine, and chemotherapy, and really intelligent well practiced physicians. And there was a lot more said and only a little retained. Yesterday was a really really hard and long day. Sloane was diagnosed with bilateral retinoblastomas, also known as cancerous tumors in both eyes. She will be having an MRI under anesthesia on Friday morning to rule out a tumor in her brain. She will then have surgery to get a port placed in her chest for 6-8 months of systemic chemotherapy. Surgery will follow the chemo and her eyes will be followed closely. We became a part of the Riley Family ye...

Saint Lucy

God is GOOD is an understatement. We spoke with Sloane's oncologist this morning. The MRI showed no brain tumors and no optic nerve involvement. Austin and I took a huge deep breath, that felt good. Unfortunately, her left eye is as advanced as the doctors originally thought. We are awaiting staging for her right eye to determine further treatment. The left eye will need to be removed, it will not be responsive to any type of chemotherapy and the retina is completely detached and basically covered in tumor. The staging of her right eye will determine if she needs systemic chemotherapy or local chemotherapy (chemo injected into her eye). We should know more this afternoon. If the doctors feel that her right eye will need systemic chemo then we will proceed with a port placement hopefully this week. I hope this all makes sense. Looking back and reflecting on this past week almost brings me to my knees. God works in very myster...

Hope

Over the past three weeks I've heard a lot of the same words repeated to me, and some of them just make me laugh a little under my breath. For example: when people say "it's so inspiring to see how well you're holding yourself together" or "I'm so impressed by how strong your faith is." They don't make me chuckle because those kinds of things are funny, but more because of how untrue I find those words to be. Honestly, this is not what holding it together looks like, I wasn't given a choice, I didn't get to voice my opinion, and I would never choose this upon my worst enemy, this is not holding it together. Let's be real, everyone knows how much I love to voice my opinion, and I got no say. Secondly, my faith found me again on a Tuesday morning in a doctors office. And at the same time I tried to process that this kind stranger was diagnosing my daughter with advanced cancer, I was also trying to process how Jesus was going to ac...

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